An Introvert’s Guide to Motherhood
I’m an introvert. It’s true. I don’t look like an introvert.  I’m not shy, and I enjoy making friends, but alone time is essential for my emotional well being. Socializing drains me, even if it’s spending time with people I like. If you’re an extrovert, you’re the opposite. You get an energy boost from spending time with people. Spending too much time alone, for an extrovert, zaps you of you energy.

 

When you’re an introvert, motherhood can be especially exhausting. Especially babyhood and toddlerhood. Babies need constant physical contact. Alone time? Ha! Even a trip to the bathroom is a social event, now. This didn’t come as a surprise to me, and I’m happy to give my baby exactly what he needs. I’m happy to breastfeed, wear my baby, and love on him all day long. But it’s draining. Every day, I look forward to 5pm, when I can pass my sweet baby off to my husband for a minute so I can collapse into a pile on the floor and just savor those five minutes of no one touching me. Every weekend that we don’t have plans, I’m secretly overjoyed, knowing I will likely get a few hours to just… Do nothing. Right now is one of those moments. Baby and husband are napping, and I’m blissfully alone.

 

If you’re an introvert and a mom, here’s a few things you can do to make sure that you don’t get overwhelmed:

 

1. Understand that the constant touching isn’t forever. Yes, your baby needs to be held. And to nurse. All day. Every day. It’s beautiful, and it’s essential,and I’m happy to do it, but it’s also exhausting. You will feel touched out. You will feel overwhelmed. But this is not forever. Attachment parenting actually makes children feel MORE secure and independent. Before you know it, that baby you held until your arms were sore will be begging to get down and crawl or walk around and explore the world!

 

2. Have friends that understand. Some friends get really, really hurt if you don’t want to hang out with them 24/7. Some family members (especially when you have a newborn) will practically want to move in with you. You need your space. Defend your space. Friends and family that get it will understand. And those that don’t? They may get a little hurt. That’s ok. I’ve accepted that sometimes I’m not going to able to please everyone. Be honest with them. They may just be more understanding than you think.

 

3. Get out of the house… sometimes. Interaction with other humans is important, even if it does drain you. In the beginning, I would dread leaving the house with my baby. It felt so overwhelming. But I forced myself to join a weekly support group for new moms, and I’m so glad that I did. Meeting and talking to other moms who get what I’m going through has been tremendously helpful. And best of all, new moms aren’t expecting you to impress them. The no-makeup yoga pants look is perfectly acceptable. And since new moms are probably just as tired as you are, you don’t really have to worry about entertaining them or forming complete sentences. Sometimes all you need is someone who understands the phrase, “Wonder week. So Tired. Coffee!”

 

4. Establish routines. Ok. I’m NOT a routine person. But babies like routines. This doesn’t mean you need to have your house operating like a mini-military, it means you might want to have a predictable flow to your day. For us, this means things like, every morning, my husband gets up and changes the baby’s diaper and makes coffee. I don’t have to ask him to do it, it’s a routine. Midmorning, I take a long walk with my baby. It’s relaxing, and we look forward to the daily ritual. At night, I always get an hour to myself to shower and have alone time, while my husband gets some baby bonding time. These kind of routines are real sanity savers, and can help you get through the more hectic points in your day.

 

5. Say no. Sometimes… You just have to say no to things. No, I can’t go to your bagpipe concert. No, I can’t babysit your chinchilla. No, I can’t take salsa dancing lessons with you. No, I’m not inviting 400 people to the baby’s birthday party. Saying no is hard sometimes, especially when you don’t want to disappoint people, but you’re a mom now. Say yes when you can, and say no when you need to. It’s ok. You’ve got to preserve your own sanity for the sake of your family. You’ve got to put on your own oxygen mask first before assisting others!

 

6. Let some things go. Once I accepted that my house might be a little more cluttered, my Monday- Friday dinners might be a little less exciting, and my plants may be a little droopy… I felt a lot less pressure. And I felt a lot more relaxed. And we all know… A relaxed mom makes EVERYBODY in the house a whole lot happier!

 

If you’re an introvert, it certainly doesn’t mean that you can’t enjoy motherhood. I love mom life. But I’m constantly making an effort to take care of myself. I think that’s one of the most important things you can do as a mom, introvert or not!

  • Megan Nelson

    This article is just what I needed. I sometimes feel so guilty for wanting that 5 minutes.. But it’s so necessary for a happy me. We are SO much alike!